I will always be ignorant

and so I will always have a reason to grow

Ignorance sucks; especially when I realize how ignorant I am. At first, it’s a level of pain that can easily overwhelm, eschewing growth for a downward spiral of, well, more ignorance. This particular moment of ignorance feels like waking from a decent dream and realizing that it’s actually a nightmare. That despite the lack of dreamy pain, death, gore and mind-fucks, my current values and perceptions are what’s actually out of wack because — well, simply, I’m really privileged.

I’ve always been aware of the fine line between self-confidence and narcissism, but I always seem to forget how easily my pride demon can sneak back in, lure me into complacency and the lie that everything is okay. And that when everything is not okay, it’s not me; it’s the rest of the crazy world. But I realize every time I succumb to that, even for the shortest of moments, I’m really just contributing to the madness.

So how did I get to this point of self-reveling and what is the point anyways? The short answer is that specifically through this election year/post-election (U.S.A., Trump, 2016) there has been a great outpouring of pain. Less on my personal part but more from really feeling the overwhelming empathetic shudder of WTF from all walks of life released from all around this country.

In my latest course of action, I’ve pushed myself to engage with media and politics like I have never before. And the disturbance within the Force came up from behind and slapped me thrice. At this point, the reality that my head has been in the sands of a content life, is totes moot. That what I’m interfacing with, even safely from the other side of my screen, is a sense-searing cacophony of fear and chaos. Despite the polarized posturing, there are no sides of right and wrong — it’s one big mess and we are all definitely in it together.

I’ve already been tipped down the rabbit hole for some time, but I’ve recently gained acceleration as I began to confront the fact that I have no capability of fact-checking sources. Of examining data in a critical form that lives up to even my slothful standards of scrutiny. And so another branch of ignorance is revealed as I engage with my personal fallacy that the discipline of economics is just the study of causes and effects of money; and therefore, studied when one wants to become monetarily wealthy; and therefore, something I wrote off a while ago as a thing that a person pursues when they have no morals or ethics and are surely a despicable human being.

I wish that were at least hyperbole or some cool word like that. Did I mention overcoming ignorance is painful?

Where hath I begotten mine change of heart? The reality that in order for me to somewhat interface with what I see out there required a need to be able to examine at some of the facts for myself. So time to dust off the statistic notes and then we need some context, so. Oh shit. Economics.

And so I continue to learn.

I have a personal dislike for the word hero, but my new found hero is Mr. Thomas Sowell. I literally tripped over his existence by reading a quote from somewhere and saying to myself ”that actually makes sense”. Then I read some excerpts from a book of his and then I got curious and YouTubed him.

I was inspired when I watched him speak about his current book I am engaged with, but then an epic shift occurred. A video of Sowell in 1981 speaking on Firing Line, a one-hour debate program that aired for 33-years, with William Buckley:

I am still currently processing an overwhelming flow of thoughts and ideas. But, one personal reaction stands out:

What if my parents had been able to see, fully comprehend and be as inspired by this conversation as I am now. And the next year, in 1982, when I came into being, they were able to pass on, that yes, having brown skin was going to lead to some trouble. But everyone has troubles. The data shows, that despite the troubles, especially those aired by media and politics, that there is a reality of a complex world at large and it is just going to keep moving on.

To be honest, I’m a slow learner* and I am just finding and being impacted by it now, this seems to be the inevitable moment.

So I mentioned that ignorance is painful. But creating more ignorance will only create more pain. And despite the pain of ignorance, we have the power to search for bits of truth in the world. Whether through the discipline of science, the expression of the arts, or communing in the potential of each other, their is great healing and freedom within even the smallest bit of truth.

I realize my response seems a bit strong and, heaven forbid, emotionally with a touch of spirituality. But watching Mr. Sowell, in 1981, talking as an equal man of intellect; with a humble confidence generated from the balance of knowing and not knowing; exuding a clarity of self-value that defies our deconstructing generalizations like race and gender; I see a potential that I can pursue for myself and hopefully, you can too.

Continue the pursuit of truth everyday. Embrace that the more we know, the less we know and how ignorant we all our. But the shock fades and the pain lightens upon each experience. Instead, we have an infinite future to explore and embrace together.

*I’m a slow learner, but I don’t interact with that reality in the way our hyper-efficient society views it. Yes, I’m a late bloomer, but in the dream I have for the future, I’m bringing my value and potential to this world as I ought and taking the time needed to cultivate it to the fullest.

Hi, my name is Barry Low and this blog is about making tangible a dream called Land of Here. While I cultivated the business, I’m exploring the process of nurturing through myself, the immediate community around me and outward and onward. Living the vision: Nurturing together, here.